More fun with matrimonial ads

Years ago, I looked at Indian matrimonial ads to find a mate. These days, I look at them to find a laugh.Matrim_3
Here are some more excerpts from matrimonial ads on the Net:

You’ve just got to know her: “People who know me say that I am cute, way too
nice, very sweet, generous, and just a wonderful person overall as people like
being around me. For the people who don't know me they would call me as being
bitter, sour, rude, shy, stuck up and someone who woke up on the wrong side of
the bed. So depending upon how you want to see me I leave that choice up to
you.”

She wants something handsome: “My life partner should be educated,
smart, god-fearing, away from bad habits like drinking, smoking etc. He must be
employed earning handsome salary.”

He’s got something handsome: “I’m
mech. engineer working as a govt. employ and earn handsome money. I want a
beautiful girl which can cooperate nicely with my family. She should be family
girl.”

She’ll be the sole woman in your life: “I am a slim,
attractive, shy, sensitive person. Very caring and homely person with a good
sense of humour. Have everything in this world except one thing: a sole
mate.”

Mad women need not reply:
“I would like to meet a very good, kind and gentle woman to spend my life with.
She must be willing to become a member of a family and be positive and easy to
get along with. If you are mad all the time and unhappy with life, then please
leave me alone because I want to enjoy life and be happy.”

Her
grandmother is idle
: “My father is into commercial photography and my brother is
assisting him in the same business, my mother is a typical housewife and manages
the same business from home and I have a grandmother who is really too old to do
something.”

She’s fairly intelligent: “Myself a God fearing respectful
to elders, like to live life the fun way wishing for a relaxed atmosphere. I
will call myself down-to-earth types with fair level of
intelligentsia.”

He’s basically
irresistible
: “I am basically a Software Professional. I am presently working in
UK for the past 2 yrs. We are basically from Hyderabad.”

He’s young and clean: “I am 53 but I look 35 and I am good
looking. I am veg and a person of clean habits. I am looking for an educated,
beautiful, healthy, friend cum life partner.”

He’s honest to a fault: “On the physical plane, I am 5’8”, dark
toned, short black hair,
brown eyes and of muscular build. I am real good
looking. I am energetic, outgoing, honest, straight forward, aggressive,
passionate, loyal and sensitive. I look and feel very young for my age. On the
negative side I can be greedy, lustful and quite an accomplished
critic.”

She’s looking for contenders: “I am looking for a professionally
qualified individual who is independent, warm sensitive and a great zeal to
live. He should believe in smiling and laughing always. Only serious contenders
need apply!”

She doesn’t
drink at work
: “Hi, as I am not a celebrity yet so obviously I will have to
introduce myself. … I am a person who wants to live each moment of life. I'm
ambitious but not work alcoholic.”

He’s seeing red about green: “I am vegetarian, non-smoker and
don't drink alcohol. … I am divorce do to green card greedy girl. I will provide
any details upon request to interested girl if you provide your full
details.”


Better get that toupee
: “I am a pretty strong headed and strong
minded person. I am also very petite, and look very young, so would like to meet
someone who doesn't look old enough to be my father.”


Nothing outweighs
honesty
: “I am 5 ft 4 inch tall and in the process of losing weight … so right
now one could say I am overweight. But that is a whole different story. The fact
that I am admitting to that shows that I am an honest person.”

He’ll always think
about you
: “I am smart, I have my head on my shoulders, and I am constantly
thinking about everything. Also would consider myself very thoughtful, generous,
and down to earth.”


Don’t mess with her
: "Health and exercise is very
important to me. I love to dance in general — and more specifically Salsa,
Greek, and Argentine Tango for fun. I have earned a black belt in Taekwondo (so
think again if you are planning on breaking my heart, cheating on me, or
stringing me along!) …"


Get ready to be loved
: "I am the type you would
not regret getting to know mainly because of my level of patience, tolerance,
understanding and maturity. As for relationships and marriage, I am very
confident that my partner would find no reason to complain mainly because of my
character and my ability to love to the point where my partner would find the
emptiness he once had to be filled by warmth, love, tenderness and
joy."


Modesty is his middle name
: "I am 33 years old, never married and
very fair looking guy. I am very loving, caring, meek, humble, modest and
broad-minded. I am a very good sportsman, I played cricket for my state
continuously for 7 years."

She doesn’t
expect much
: “You will be a well mannered, sophisticated, trendy, attractive,
loving, honest, loyal, genuine and sweet person who is understanding,
respectful, intelligent, romantic, well spoken, has a good sense of humour and
family orientated. You should also be homely as well as outgoing.”

He wants to make something clear: “Most importantly reply
only and if you are serious enough to make things work if there is a chemistry
as we all know beside reading about each other and what not all this requires
tremendous amount of time and effort which now a days people are usually afraid
to spend. So if you are one of them then we would be wasting time.”

Photo by SuperBhat

If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. this is hilarious!! and sadly not too far from reality
    seen some pretty ridiculous ads myself!

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