I now pronounce you man and goat

Bill Clinton has earned millions of dollars every year since leaving the White House, but as reported inGoat
2005, he apparently missed out on a chance to get 40 goats and 20 cows.

A Kenyan city councilman says he offered Bill
Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter’s hand in marriage five
years ago. He’s still awaiting an answer.

Godwin Kipkemoi Chepkurgor wrote Clinton asking
for Chelsea’s hand in 2000 when Clinton visited Kenya, Chepkurgor told
the East African Standard newspaper.

Chepkurgor, 36, vowed to remain single until he gets an answer to his proposal to marry Chelsea, 25.

Chepkurgor, a city councilor in Nakuru, told
Clinton of plans for a grand wedding presided over by South African
Nobel Peace Prize winner Archbishop Desmond Tutu. …

The electrical engineering graduate said he
promised to pay 40 goats and 20 cows in dowry for Clinton’s only
daughter in accordance with African tradition. [Link]

In some cultures, when you gain a wife, you lose some goats. In others, when you lose a wife, you gain a goat.

A farmer who blamed his wife for not providing him with a child has swapped her for a goat with three kids.

Three-times-wed
Stoil Panayotov struck a deal with another farmer at a livestock market
and handed over his wife in exchange for eight-year-old Elena.

Stoil,
54, said: "A friend told me that he had no luck with women and that he
really liked my wife." Amazingly, she went along with the arrangement.
Stoil added: "The deal was reached when my wife gave her approval.

"The
goat has given birth to three kids and my wife to none. This deal was
more profitable to the goat owner – I got a second-hand goat and he got
a brand new wife."

The
trade was concluded in front of a stunned crowd in the market town of
Plovdiv in Bulgaria. Now locals are wondering what will happen next if
things don’t work out between Stoil and Elena. [Link]

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I can’t believe his wife agreed to something so demeaning — being traded for a goat and three kids. Surely no self-respecting woman would ever agree to be traded for fewer than 40 goats. Chelsea Clinton certainly wouldn’t. There’s no way she’d consider marrying Godwin Chepkurgor, not unless he doubled his offer.

As for Stoil, I hope he’s not thinking of marrying the goat, even if those three kids need a dad. That would rile Fox News host Bill O’Reilly. He believes that gay marriage may eventually lead to goat marriage. If he’s so strongly opposed to such marriages, it’s surprising that he didn’t raise the issue with Maureen E. McPhilmy, the mother of his two children. She is, after all, married to a goat.

Photo by TKnoxB

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If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. “In some cultures, when you gain a wife, you lose some goats. In others, when you lose a wife, you gain a goat.”
    Hahahahah! Brilliant!

  2. So are you saying that Africans are gay? You know, Bill O said it would happen so damn, I gotta go and tell my wife that I am gay. And that I want a goat. Got the two kids though.
    I know it is demeaning. But you think his wife agreed because of him being an ass instead of thinking of herself as property?
    Anyway, only in Africa I guess.
    Oh wait – forgot to add. Bill will have to pay me 40 goats and 20 cows…

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