Even more fun with matrimonial ads

Reading matrimonial ads can be so much fun. Just check out these excerpts from actual matrimonialMatrimonials ads on the Internet:

She doesn’t expect much: “You will be a well mannered, sophisticated, trendy, attractive, loving, 
honest, loyal, genuine and sweet person who is understanding, respectful, intelligent, romantic, well spoken, has a good sense of humour and family orientated. You should also be homely as well as outgoing.” (Homely?)

He wants to make something absolutely clear: “Most importantly reply only and if you are serious enough to make things work if there is a chemistry as we all know beside reading about each other and what not all this requires tremendous amount of time and effort which now a days people are usually afraid to spend. So if you are one of them then we would be wasting time.”

She does nt want u: “No uncles plz/ you got to be between 24-28 not more thn that/guyz if u have no pic please don't reply. No dr. please/my family is everything to me, so if u r nt family oriented don't bother to reply/cz you gt to be mature, dnt expect from me to babysit u and please no dramas, if you want to just fool around stay away from my profile.”

You can be his other side: “I am a cool and cheerful guy, looking for my better half who has a good understanding capability and who is jolly natured. I enjoy my life and want from the other side too.”

He executes well: “Moving with people of different age groups and relating to them is a cakewalk for me. I am (or I would consider myself) quite certainly logical at any situation. And a recent finding on myself is that I am quite focussed and that has helped me improve the quality of my execution.”

He totally totals tea: “I am a very simple person, totally
tea totaller. My hobbies include listening to music which include
devotional music also, reading, watching T.V.”

He’s such a joker: “I am honest, caring, witty, handsome, intelligent, wise, matured, knowledgeable, sincere, polite, presentable, down-to-earth, dependable. I have all positive traits one can think of, except one — I am a liar.”

He’s dying to chat with you: “Much we may speak over the phone, I can call you at any time of the day, I would love to hear from you, as you will see the love and honesty in my voice. My dearest mum is also available if you need her to call.”

She wants you to move out: “I don't believe in wasting mine or anyone else's time. With that said, please don't contact me if you do not possess a university degree/are planning to live with your parents after marriage.”

She’s very flexible: “I’m looking for decent guy, down to earth person. He may not be smart, any skin colour, does not matter. He should be respectful, self dependent, non-drinker. He may be divorcee or widow with one or two kids, doesn’t matter.” (What about a widower?)

Sorry, her family is closed: “I am presently working as a software engineer in Oracle Applications. Been brought up in a closed knit family, I am a family driven person. I also possess the religious values my family has pruned me with.”

She’s looking for a doctor: “As person I am good, simple, kind hearted, well mannered, belong from educated family. I want a person who cures for me, well-mannered, having sense of humour, loving natured and educated.”

He’s looking for a second-rate university: “My long term planning is to continue my study in IT sector and to do a doctorate from repudiated university in USA or in Australia”

She wants to understand you: “I’m smart, confident and intelligent. My hobbies are listening to music and cooking. My partner should be caring, loving and understandable.”

He isn’t a careerist: “I am looking for a gal who will have same interest and positive view towards life. And to be frank I am ambitious but not careeristic person. Coz I believe there are many things apart from carrer to enjoy in life.”

You’d better compliment her: “I am looking for a life partner who is matured, understanding in nature and settled in career, someone who has strong family values and can be a complimentary life partner.”

He’s looking for synergy: “What inspires me is to be in an inter-community synergistic alliance where we'll be a total stand for each others emotional, physical, mental & spiritual well-being.”

See also:

Matrimonial ads are for married people too

More fun with matrimonial ads

Photo by Victoria Bernal

If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. hi
    fabulous post. as usual.
    from this post: [ http://www.nshima.com/2007/10/matrimonial-ads.html ]
    would you consider removing the entry ‘an english complexion’?
    my guess is that it’s from an albino lady and may be it’s not fair to make fun of her disability
    pink eyeballs is the tell-tale, if you know what i mean
    🙂
    just a friendly suggestion

  2. Thanks for the suggestion, Saurabh. I just followed it. I didn’t realize that she might be albino.

  3. 🙂
    Thanks

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