Mate wanted for a 36-year-old who’s tall, dark and good-natured

Don't be surprised if you see this matrimonial ad on the Internet: "Mate wanted for a 36-year-old widower, 6 feet tall, dark-haired, bilingual and good-natured. Hobbies include bathing and searching for food. Please send photo and bio-data."

It's an ad that would probably get responses from women all over the world, but it's unlikely that any of them would be able to satisfy the poor widower, a fellow by the name of Polo. You see, Polo wants his mate to be hairy, extremely hairy. And you really can't blame him, for he happens to be a gorilla. And not just any gorilla, but India's only gorilla.

Even though Polo is 6 feet tall, dark-haired, bilingual and
good-natured, the 36-year-old silverback gorilla is still single after
a fruitless eight-year search.

"We have written to all major
zoos in the world. We have tried everything," said Vijay Ranjan Singh,
the director of the zoo in Mysore, a city in southern India about 525
miles southeast of Mumbai. [Link]

Have they really tried everything? I'll bet they haven't placed a matrimonial ad on the most popular matchmaking site for gorillas: http://www.PrimeMates.com

Polo is a western lowland gorilla, native to the forests of central
Africa. Silverback gorillas — marked with a distinctive patch — are
dominant males who usually live in family groups in the wild.

"He
is not very happy. The few joys he enjoys are bathing and searching for
food that his keeper hides in blocks of ice or in bamboo to keep him
energized," Singh said.

For the prospective mate, Singh says
Polo is good-natured and responds to commands in both the local Kannada
language and English. [Link]

You hear that, ladies? Polo is quite a catch. It might be easy to find a man who's tall, dark and good-natured, but you'd have to search high and low to find one who "responds to commands."

So what are you waiting for? Rush to the nearest travel agent and buy yourself a ticket to Mysore. And try your best to impress Polo. Not sure how? Well, for starters, you might want to stop shaving your legs for a couple of weeks.

If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. Maybe he should take your advice… He should go and shave. He’s never going to find a girl with beard. It scratches.

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