Get yourself a bite of raccoon

Raccoons have been known to bite people. Two years ago, for example, a Brooklyn woman was Raccoon
attacked by one. A Pennsylvania woman was also bitten by a raccoon in 2006, as was a student in New Jersey last year. But none of these victims suffered as much as the Russian man who had too much to drink and apparently mistook a raccoon for a … well … beaver.

Russian doctors are trying to restore a Moscow man’s manhood after an
angry raccoon bit off his penis as he was trying to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilow told surgeons he thought he’d “have some fun” when
he saw the raccoon during a drunken weekend with pals, according to the Sun.

The feisty animal wasn’t going to have any of it and turned on the man, biting off part of his penis in retaliation.

Doctor’s told the 44-year-old they could restore the function of what’s
left of his member, but they couldn’t sew back on what the raccoon bit
off. [Link]

Penis is apparently a delicacy — and not just among the Chinese.

You can forgive this raccoon for biting the man — it was acting in self-defense. The vast majority of raccoons do not bite humans unless provoked. Humans, on the hand, are quite eager to bite raccoons. Some humans, anyway.

Raccoon meat is quite popular among some folks in Missouri, according to an article by Lee Hill Kavanaugh of the Kansas City Star.

Raccoons go for $3 to $7 – each, not per pound – and will feed about five adults. Four, if they're really hungry.

Those who dine on coon meat sound the same refrain: It's good eatin'.

As
long as you can get past the "ick" factor that it's a varmint, more
often seen flattened on asphalt than featured on a restaurant menu. [Link]

The "ick" factor? I thought eating raccoons was all about the "hick" factor.

It's all what you're used to, really. If you grow up eating raccoons, then you probably won't throw up eating raccoons.

"Raccoon meat is some of the healthiest meat you can eat," says Jeff
Beringer, a furbearer resource biologist with the Missouri Department
of Conservation.

"During grad school, my roommate and I ate 32
coons one winter. It was all free and it was really good. If you think
about being green, and eating organically, raccoon meat is the ultimate
organic food," with no steroids, no antibiotics, no growth hormones. [Link]

Kavanaugh seems to suggest a slogan for marketing this super food: "Raccoon — the other dark meat."

Here are a few other possibilities:

— "Racoon — bite it before it bites you."

— "Racoon — not just for hicks."

— "Racoon — much tastier than beavers."

— "Racoon — don't panic, it's organic."

Photo by LexnGer

If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. From my own experiences living in Ukraine I can attest to the influence of vodka in that culture…

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