Proposed agreement between Aishwarya and Freida

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan (née Rai) won the Miss World contest in 1994, bringing glory to India AshFreida
and paving the way for three lesser beauties to win the same title.

WHEREAS, Freida Pinto was a model who appeared in ads for Hutch, Airtel and Wrigley’s Chewing Gum, but was not selected by L'Oréal, the world's largest cosmetics and beauty company, to grace billboards in New York, Toronto and other major cities around the world, causing innumerable men to drive their cars into telephone poles.

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan has long been known as “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World,” a title bestowed on her by none other than Julia Roberts, which, along with the acronym TMBWIIW, is widely recognized as her trademark, in much the same way as Angelina Jolie is widely considered to possess the trademark of TMBWITWOTA, or “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World Other Than Aishwarya.”

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan has appeared in 40 movies, has been crowned the “Queen of Bollywood,” and is a favorite of Mani Ratnam, Ashutosh Gowariker and other top directors who have created blockbusters featuring such acclaimed stars as Amitabh Bachchan, Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Bachchan.

WHEREAS, Freida Pinto has appeared in just one English movie, a role that required her mainly to smile and look pretty, while Aishwarya Bachchan has starred in several English movies such as Bride and Prejudice, Mistress of Spices and The Pink Panther 2, roles that required her to not just smile and look pretty, but also flutter her eyelashes.

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan is a member of the First Family of Bollywood, having married Abhishek Bachchan, the son of the legendary Amitabh Bachchan, aka Big B, the former “King of Bollywood,” who graciously abdicated his throne to allow younger actors to enjoy the limelight and to assume a new throne: "King of the Blogosphere."

WHEREAS, Aishwarya Bachchan has longer hair and greener eyes than Freida Pinto.

NOW, THEREFORE, The parties reach the following agreement:

1. Freida Pinto shall not make any acceptance speeches at award shows or elsewhere without adding the words “I thank Ash for paving the way.”

2. Freida Pinto shall not appear in any movie in which another character refers to her character as “the most beautiful woman in the world,” without a disclaimer appearing in the ending credits that states: "All characters and compliments in this film are entirely fictitious."

3. Freida Pinto shall not accept any compliment that includes the words “most beautiful” without saying, “Thank you, but you obviously have not seen Ash.”

4. Freida Pinto shall try her best not to monopolize movie roles intended for “exotic beauties.”

5. Freida Pinto shall make every effort, at any function attended by both parties, to direct members of the paparazzi toward Aishwarya Bachchan.

6. In return for the aforementioned consideration, Aishwarya Bachchan agrees to bestow the title of “The Most Beautiful Woman in the World,” along with the acronym TMBWITW, on Freida Pinto no later than 30 days after her 80th birthday.


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If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. how the times are changing says:

    Brilliantly funny. Now Ash needs Pinto’s consideration, eh, to make a mark in Hollywood?
    How the times are changing.

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