Trump Hoodwinks His Way to the Presidency

More Americans voted for Hillary Clinton than Donald Trump, but because of an outdated system of selecting the president called the Electoral College – which Trump himself called “a disaster for a democracy” in 2012 – tens of millions of Americans awoke on Nov. 9 with a severe case oMelvin Durai's Humorf PTSD (President Trump Stress Disorder).

What made it worse was that pollsters had convinced most Americans that Hillary Clinton would win. One Princeton University professor had crunched the numbers and determined that the chances of Donald Trump winning the presidency were as miniscule as the chances of him going an entire day without telling a lie.

All politicians lie, of course, but Trump wasn’t a traditional politician – that’s why he was able to set a Guinness World Record for most lies told during a political campaign. Yes, Trump shattered the record previously held by trumpRobert Mugabe, president/dictator of Zimbabwe for more than 35 years, who was recently pictured watching a Trump speech, shaking his head and saying, “How does this man live with himself?”

Trump told 1,452,652 lies during the campaign – and that’s a conservative count. The liberal count is much higher. To be fair, some of these lies were “duplicate lies,” such as when he claimed over and over that he had been against the war in Iraq. And some lies can be attributed to his sense of humor, such as when he said, “Nobody has more respect for women than I do.” It would be like my dog, Legacy, saying to another dog, “Nobody has more respect for fire hydrants than I do.”

But many of Trump’s lies were blatant lies, such as when he claimed that he did not know any of the women who had accused him of sexual misconduct. He had indisputably met several of them, but saying “I don’t know these women” was apparently a good way of convincing his supporters that he was totally innocent. After all, many of his supporters were evangelical Christians and they would never elect a sexual abuser as president, would they?

Trump’s bigotry and misogyny repulsed many Americans – and terrified minority groups – but most evangelical Christians were apparently okay with that. Jesus called upon them to “love your neighbor as yourself,” but surely he never imagined that they’d one day be neighbors with Mexicans and Muslims.

Many of these evangelical Christians were all-too-ready to “build the wall” – not just the wall between America and Mexico, but also the wall between themselves and integrity.

Some may argue that they voted for Trump in spite of his bigotry – not because of it. They supported him because he promised to shake up Washington D.C. and bring back jobs.  The message to our children is clear: the end justifies the means. Go ahead and bully your classmates. Go ahead and cheat on your exams. Go ahead and lie on your résumé. Go ahead and sleep around. Just make sure you get the job, the money and the power. And don’t forget to brag. Bragging is important.

“We’re electing a president, not a pastor,” was the refrain of some evangelical Christians. That’s fine, but when your teen-aged daughter brings home a hate-spouting skinhead with a Trump tattoo on his forearm, please welcome him with open arms. And please try to smile when your daughter says, “Don’t worry, Mom and Dad. He just wants to be my boyfriend, not my pastor.”

We can only hope that Trump is able to put all the intolerance and lies behind him and become a new man. Perhaps after 70 years on this earth, he will change his ways and start treating all people with respect. Perhaps he will make a speech in which he denounces the Ku Klux Klan and all the white supremacists out there. Perhaps he will tear down more walls than he builds. And perhaps, just perhaps, all the people who have been offended by Trump’s intolerance will find a way to tolerate a Trump presidency.

Get Melvin’s humor on Facebook

If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. Ranjit Thapar says:

    I am an Indian , live in India have followed the US Elections and realised many months ago that many parts of the US Establishment had become like the famous Italian Mafiia. The Banks, Financial Institutions, Arms manufactureres and Arms Lobby, Media, Pollsters and other vested interests had all ganged up behind the Democratic Party . It was obvious the way they took on Trump that the reality was different and that Trump must have extensive support. Human history shows that people gang up against someone only if that person is strong, otherwise they ignore him / her . The more vicious the attacks on Trump developed the reality was obvious. The resuult showed that this preception was correct. I am not one of those who thinks that the media and pollsters got it wrong. They must have known that what they were dishing out was not false but their past financial deals were forcing them to take the wrong loosing side in an effort to make the looser win. The Election result is not a Trump victory but the loss of the mafia. The violence on the steets in the US shows that the mafia may not take the loss lying down as mafia’s normally do react. If the media has to regain its credibility it must be brought out from the clutches of the mafia or be countered with some new independant media outlets who are strong and have similar coverage. Unless that happens falsehoods would be dished out to the public who actually know better

  2. ruth wilson says:

    Rude and one sided commentaries. No one is perfect but promoting your political agenda through a humor column is the same misguided racial commentary that you accuse the other side of in your post. Neither candidate is perfect, Hillary Clinton has plenty of nasty lies and thievery you could also write about. Also, remember everyone in the US is supposed to be considered innocent until proven guilty. Show a little respect for the office and keep your political agenda out of your column/emails…or at least roast both sides equally.

    I know people of all education levels, all races (including LEGAL Mexicans) voted for Trump. He’s a jerk in many ways but give him a chance. We lived through Obama for 8 years, we can live through Trump for a few.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: