How to Survive a Trump Presidency

On Jan. 20, 2017, Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as the 45th president of the United States. If you are one of the Melvin Durai's Humor63 million Americans who voted for Hillary Clinton, you are probably wondering how you will possibly survive the next four years. It won’t be easy, but here are some options to consider:

1. Move to Canada. Some Americans are certainly considering a move to the North, partly because Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party is in power in Canada and partly because you can find an abundant supply of American beer there. But immigrating to Canada legally can be tricky and may take a few years. The best thing to do is visit Canada, find Conservatives who look like you and ask them if they’d like to trade identities. They move here, you move there – problem solved. (Just don’t tell them about America’s healthcare system.)

2. Buy a virtual reality headset. Companies such as Samsung and Sony have developed a variety of virtual reality headsets. For a few hundred dollars, you may be able to find one that allows you to live in a virtual reality in which men who grope women are not elected president. Better yet, find a virtual reality in which countries such as India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and Pakistan can say to America: “Congratulations! After 240 years, you finally gave a woman a chance to lead your country. Welcome to the Civilized World!”

3. Don’t force yourself to say “President Trump.” If you’re having trouble saying it, that’s okay. Nobody is putting a gun to your head, at least not yet. America has freedom of speech, after all. You can call him President Butt, if you wish. But if you don’t want to offend your Trump-supporting friends, just say “President Rump.” It will sound just like “President Trump,” but you’ll know what you mean.

4. Reminisce about the Bush years. George W. Bush seemed terrible at the time, and he led America into themiss-me-yet Iraq War, but he seems like such a lovable character in retrospect. Take a few minutes during the next four years to write a letter to Bush: Dear George, we thought you were terrible, but we didn’t realize how “terrible” terrible could be. Please save us! You invaded Iraq and got rid of Saddam Hussein. Can you do the same over here?

5. Tear down some walls. Donald Trump has pledged to build a wall between America and Mexico, but it’s the invisible walls that are more harmful, the walls that Trump is erecting between people of different religions and races. Those walls need to be torn down and each of us can help do it. Please go out of your way to promote and celebrate diversity. Make sure you participate when your community organizes its annual “Hug a Muslim” day. And don’t stay silent if the Trump Administration discriminates against Mexican immigrants. Grab a Mexican-American friend by the hand and hit the streets in protest. (Just don’t do any hugging or grabbing without permission – unless you plan to run for president.)

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If you enjoyed this piece, you'll love Melvin's novel Bala Takes the Plunge, available in North America through Amazon.com and McNallyRobinson.com You can also find it at major bookstores in India and Sri Lanka or online at FlipKart, IndiaPlaza, FriendsofBooks or other sites. A number of readers have written reviews of the novel. An excerpt of the novel can be read here.

Comments

  1. I used to think you where funny and looked forward to your column. Now I think you are very misinformed and will be unsubscribing to your letter.

  2. 6. Move to a state where marijuana use is legal.

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